Moving from the final countdown to the newborn stage then back to work, it’s been a blur. Two months in and I started back at work… if I’m being honest, I was sending work emails a month in. But I was doing that all safely from home while my baby was fast asleep in her rocker. It wasn’t until she was two months old that I ventured outside of my home for work. I had the day slotted into my calendar, staging for a completed renovation. I was going to leave her with her dad, pump before the job and be back in time for the next feed! The team and I were only scheduled for three hours. It was a nice way to ease back into work. Of course, nothing ever so perfect goes to plan. A few days before, my fiancé had an important job scheduled and I was left with two decisions: either cancel or leave her with her grandparents for the first time…
It sounds really silly, like I was making a life-or-death decision. Of course, she would be fine with her grandparents for a couple of hours! I didn’t expect to be by her side her whole life, but here’s the thing. My baby was just that, a baby, a newborn. She had only existed on this earth for two months, before that, for a whole nine months I carted her around—literally! So, the idea of leaving her for the first time with someone other than her dad spooked me. However, I was determined to go. It wasn’t mandatory for me to attend, I could lean on my team, but the truth was I wanted to go for me. It was the first reno I landed, and I wanted to be present to see it all come to life. Maybe that makes me selfish to put my wants ahead of my two-month-old, and I’d say that’s my mom guilt chiming in.
So, she stayed with her grandparents, I had everything prepped before I left—let me tell you I was prepping from 6AM. I gave the whole speech about coming right home if I was needed. I lingered just a little bit longer when it was time to say goodbye and I sat in my car on the driveway and had a good cry. Again, the mom guilt. That feeling of being selfish. I called my fiancé, and he gave me a much-needed pep talk. After that, I started the car and drove, and kept on driving.
The job was done in two hours versus three. I raced home to my girl, and that feeling of a really good workday coupled with her smiling face greeting me home was pure joy and utter fulfillment.
To all you working mom’s, I know it’s not easy. I’ve spent a lot of time asking my team members and my friends “how do you manage?” Across the board I got a lot of “it’s hard, but you just do it.” So, to any mom’s reading this and needing encouragement on whatever stage of motherhood you are at, here I am saying YOU can do it!
Xo MJ
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